pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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