I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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