Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
