I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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