my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
