I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
