I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
