you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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