closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
