either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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