I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
