I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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