i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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