she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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