Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
