I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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