i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
