i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
