i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
