Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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