I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
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I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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