Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You ruined the universe
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
