Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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