she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision