Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?