I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him