My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She swung at the pinata with crutches
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.