If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.