Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave