just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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