Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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