My hand turned me down
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
