I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
