I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize