She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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