first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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