I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!