Yo dont text me then not text me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
