I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
