You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
