Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
