This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like