yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are