We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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