I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
