She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have aggressive nipples.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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