We won't sleep together?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
no, he came in my armpit
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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