Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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