I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
