worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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