I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
