i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
