I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Naked Twister starts at high noon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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