Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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