chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
