What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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