You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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