A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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