I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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