took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
