He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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