just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
