Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
