I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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