He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
