My nipple is on Facebook.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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