2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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