Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
