my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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