2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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